


Questions

by moonbeambucky



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Endgame, But with a happy ending, F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, im so nervous :(, the one they truly deserve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 16:50:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18503056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonbeambucky/pseuds/moonbeambucky
Summary: After returning to Earth following Thanos’ defeat Bucky is haunted by the questions he couldn’t answer.





	Questions

**Author's Note:**

> This was written on tumblr for @prettyyoungtragedy Maya’s 10k (wtf) Challenge! My prompt was “Do birds sleep?” “I don’t know, ask Sam.”

_What happened? Where are we? Are we dead?_

Something felt off. There was a wrenching pain in Bucky’s stomach, as if his organs were being rearranged within his body. Standing in the Wakandan forests Bucky remembered calling out to Steve, desperate for reassurance in his best friend’s eyes as he watched his hand dissolve right in front of him and turn into ash.

Steve was unable to give any reassurance, not to Bucky or anyone else around him. He didn’t know what happened except that they lost.

The light was blinding even from behind closed lids and when Bucky finally opened his eyes he was met with a glow all around him. There was light but no sun, there was nothing but an autumn sky set ablaze. This fiery world was cooler than he expected it to be and yet there was no atmosphere. He didn’t breathe nor did he need breath, there was no food and yet he never felt hunger.

Bucky was stuck in limbo wondering how to get out. If his life was truly over then he wanted to move on. After the life he’s lived he thought he deserved to finally rest but in his mind he knew he couldn’t. There was always more to do; more people to save, more lives to make a difference in, more chances to atone for his sins.

_What happened? Where are we? Are we dead?_

The questions plague his mind. He hears so many voices asking the same thing. They’re so close and yet muffled from a distance. Sometimes he sees the faces, strangers crying out in front of him. Some are shouting. Some are crying. There are babies, infants that couldn’t be more than a few hours old. They’re all alone, crying out into this golden world with no one able to help.

The faces try to touch him or one another but they never seem to reach. Fear is cemented in the depths of his soul making Bucky wish death would come for him. He feels trapped, like the Soldier again, but instead of a cryogenic prison he’s stuck in a bubble, floating on some plane of existence, surrounded by millions yet he’s all alone.

Time is different here and just like Bucky it doesn’t seem to quite exist. He slips in and out of consciousness, unable to tell if there’s been any sort of temporal shift. Everything looks the same, always.

_What happened? Where are we? Are we dead?_

The questions are always haunting him but this time he recognizes the voice.

The endless landscape of orange stretches out for miles. He hears the voice again, Y/N’s voice and she’s scared. Bucky does his best to focus on her but his concentration summoned a mass of people instead. He hears her still, through the sea of souls. He thinks he’s calling out to her, willing his legs to run in her direction even though he isn’t moving at all.

He focuses again, thinking only about Y/N. She was fairly new with the Avengers before the Sokovia Accords tore them all apart. Even when Bucky doesn’t try he still causes destruction. But Y/N believed in him, fighting alongside him and Steve and bravely sacrificed herself along with the others so they could get away safely to head to Siberia.

She’s been on the run with Steve ever since and Bucky realized he never got the chance to thank her for everything. When she landed in Wakanda it wasn’t the right time as everyone was gearing up for a battle against aliens but now she’s here, kind of.

Exhausting every part of himself Bucky conjured up her image in his mind, silencing all voices but hers until just she was in front of him.

“Bucky!” Y/N cried out. “Bucky, what happened? Where are we?”

Her voice trembled with fear and Bucky would give anything to be able to wrap his arms around her. She fades away, disappearing as if he shut his eyes but Bucky wills her back. He needs her there.

“Are we dead?” she wondered as much as he did.

Bucky wonders if he’s in the moment between life and death, where the brain is still working until it realizes it doesn’t have to. Maybe his serum enhanced brain is working overtime. He wonders how long he’ll be stuck in this world before death. But if this is the end why is Y/N here? Or Sam? Or T’Challa? If his life is flashing before his eyes then why does everyone else look scared?

“Y/N,” he whispered but she was no longer there.

He’s not sure if she heard him before she disappeared or if she would be able to hear him if he called out to her now, not that it would make a difference. He had no answers to her questions and even if she were right in front of him again there was little he could do to comfort her.

Of all people Y/N deserved better. She joined the Avengers to help others, not live in the shadows of the world, losing her freedom the day she fought her teammates to protect a man she never met. The least Bucky could do was return the favor in some way, but here, trapped in this glowing abyss he had nothing to offer.  

Bucky is drowning in a sea of amber, floating along endlessly, aimlessly until suddenly he’s not.

With a deep gasp he’s pulled from the depths and his lungs expand, filling himself was an overabundance of air. As Bucky is dropped to the ground he feels the soft grass beneath him. There’s wetness between his fingers from the dew and his pants are soaking it up, staining his knees with wet circles. The air is crisp and light and he smells it,  _he feels it!_

The wind is blowing softly against his skin and his heart skips a beat. He feels it again, his heart, beating in his chest and he sighs in relief. It’s only when he hears a voice that tears begin to flow steadily down his cheek.

Steve is by his side before Bucky can even stand up, embracing him in the tightest hold imaginable as if Steve Rogers is expecting the world to take Bucky away from him again. Bucky doesn’t care how strong Steve’s grip on him is as he savors the feeling of being held. Wherever he was he couldn’t touch anything, not even himself but now Bucky wants to touch everything, feel everything for the first time again just because he could.

He pulls back just a bit to focus on Steve, with both hands cupping his smooth face. Steve’s beard was long gone, his hair was short again and he looked just as exhausted as Bucky felt.

Everything was a blur once more as Sam, Y/N, Wanda, T’Challa and Shuri were suddenly surrounding them along with Natasha, Tony, Scott, Bruce, Clint, Rhodey, the talking racoon and a few others he doesn’t recognize.  

“It’s been five years Buck,” Steve said, struggling to smile, “It’s good to have you back.” He wiped his cheek and helped Bucky up before greeting the others.

“What happened?”

Bucky didn’t have to look to know that was Y/N’s voice asking the same question she asked from wherever they were. He wanted the answer as much as she did but he couldn’t handle the question, not from her, not after he was tortured by the fear and pain in her voice. He heard her questions go unanswered every moment in the orange void and now that she was in front of him again Bucky could barely look at her, unable to stop the guilt he felt for never being able to help.

***

A week had passed since Bucky returned from what he was told was “The Soul World”, a plane of existence he and everyone who vanished had been believed to be placed.

In their final battle with Thanos they discovered more about the Infinity Stones than before. Each one was sentient and when Thanos initially snapped his fingers to use them to destroy half of humanity the Soul Stone decided it had a soul of its own and it couldn’t submit to the total decimation of billions. Instead it stored everyone in a world buried within itself.

The revelation has Bucky longing for the days when Howard Stark’s somewhat flying car was the wackiest thing he’s ever seen.

The information came from a face he’s never seen before, a woman who’s apparently travelled all over the universe, a powerful being nicknamed Captain Marvel but to everyone she was Carol.

The world wanted answers so the two Captains along with Tony, a god-like man named Thor and a robotic blue woman named Nebula took to the spotlight. They made a promise to all beings, humans or not, that they are not alone in their fight to live. Whether it’s Earth or another realm to the furthest reaches of the galaxy, there will be protectors fighting alongside them.

It was quiet as the world healed. Friends and families all over were reunited, and right here Tony scoops up a giggling toddler with dark hair and rich brown eyes staring back at him, reminding him that dreams do come true.

In celebration of life restored Tony planned on throwing the biggest party at the Tower. While Scott was excited to invite his loved ones over Clint said quiet goodbyes and returned to his family, he doesn’t expect he’ll be back any time soon.

Aside from little Anthony running around the compound was peaceful, with everyone doing their best to get back to a routine. Y/N returned to her bedroom, rummaging through some boxes she still hadn’t unpacked before everything with the Accords went down.

Other members moved in to new rooms, with Bucky hesitantly exploring the surroundings of his new dwelling. His life was changing again but now after everything that’s happened he finally feels like he can settle down somewhere.

He has Steve and though Bucky will never admit it he’s even happy Sam is there too. He hopes Nat can help fill in parts of his past he can’t remember, and really he wants to get to know everyone, and have them get to know him too.

The content smile he didn’t realize formed quickly faded at the sound of her voice– Y/N. She’s asking Wanda a question in the hallway.  _Why is she always asking questions?_ Bucky can’t hear her voice without hearing her pleas for help. Guilt eats away at what little happiness he’s trying to preserve.

Bucky doesn’t want to avoid Y/N but he can’t seem to face her. He wants to apologize for so many things. He’s sorry that because of him Y/N had to fight her friends and get thrown in a prison, she was a fugitive and had to cut off contact with her family, she was stuck in a world where time didn’t exist and yet every iun minute of every endless hour of every countless day of their infinite eternity all she wanted was someone to reach out. Bucky may not have had the answers but he could have been a friend and now he doesn’t think he’s worthy of even that.

***

Laughter floats through the air as everyone is gathered together in the large common room of the compound enjoying a little pre-party party. Music fills the background though no one can actually enjoy a song, not when Peter Quill is enamored with Spotify. He skips past each song just because he can, moving from artist to artist and all across the genres with childish delight.

“Hey leave this one,” Carol shouts hoping Peter doesn’t skip over Def Leppard.

Carol leans back against the couch, bracing one foot against the coffee table as she knocks back a beer spiked with a little Asgardian mead, singing with a very drunk Scott beside her. Bucky recognizes the rift of the guitar playing over the heavy drum and exhales with content as everyone else joins in for the chorus.

“Pour some sugar on me! Oooh, in the name of love!”

He hides a cringey smile behind the bottle of his own drink at the sound of Natasha’s slightly nasal and very off key voice that pierces his ears. He’ll never tell her though and he suspects not another soul will dare either, well except for Rocket; he doesn’t seem to have a filter and the thought of a fight between the two does sound like fun.

Above her voice is Y/N’s, playful and hypnotic. The subtle innuendo of song is made sexier by the sultry way the words fall from her lips and the way her body sways to the beat. Bucky would be lying if he said she wasn’t beautiful, that the air wasn’t stolen from this lungs the moment he met her in the parking garage at that German airport, that in between all the fighting he wasn’t mesmerized by her in action, that he didn’t feel like absolute shit leaving her amongst the others to be captured as he and Steve fled.

Y/N’s eyes catch Bucky’s and he quickly looks away but with slow, calculated caution his eyes find her form again. His heart skips a beat from the wide smile that’s spread across her beautiful face. His own lips are pulled into a curve when he spots the crinkles around her eyes. Bucky likes seeing Y/N happy and he’d love to make her happy if he could only find the courage to talk to her.

When the song ends Quill continues his attempt at wanting to hear every song ever created all at once. Y/N plops on the couch beside Sam who is slightly annoyed when she begins to talk over him to converse with Hope.

Sam shoots an incredulous look towards Y/N, with wide eyes and flaring nostrils, “Do you mind? I’m tryin’ to tell a joke here.”

Y/N’s words come out amongst laughter, “Well I don’t think your jokes quite land Birdbrain!”

Bucky’s smile grows as does his fondness for her.

“Look you’re even putting Drax to sleep!” she pointed towards the brawny man whose mouth was stretched open wide mid-yawn.

“It’s true, the Bird Man exhausts me with his constant yammering,” Drax affirmed.

“It is so nice to meet a bird man,” Mantis said softly, with innocence filling her large black eyes.

Sam rolled his eyes. “Look at what you started,” he said to Y/N who continued to laugh.

Overhearing the conversation Carol spoke up. “I’ve encountered real bird men before. The Shi’ar are not to be taken lightly.”

“I don’t know if I’m supposed to be insulted now,” Sam remarked to Carol, “I thought you had my back, what happened to Air Force loyalty?”

Despite her tales of battle against the Shi’ar, Drax had fallen fast asleep. He slumped against Mantis who struggled to free herself from his crushing weight. He hit the cushions face first after she shimmied out from under him but it didn’t disturb his slumber at all. In fact, Drax’s snores began to rumble loudly and everyone looked around at each other, smiling deeply as they held back laughter.

Mantis moved to the other side of Y/N and broke the awkward silence apart from the loud snores asking,  **“Do birds sleep?”**

 **“I don’t know, ask Sam.”**  Y/N burst into a fit of laughter at her own response and Sam threw his hands up into the air. “Oh come on now!”

There was no holding back anymore as roars of laughter filled the room. Drax continued to sleep through it all and Bucky fell for Y/N even more. She looked so carefree, so happy in a way he had never seen before and Bucky wanted to make her happy for the rest of his life.

Y/N got up from the couch, asking if anyone wanted a refill and Bucky thinks he could convince his legs to take him towards her. If he just says something,  _anything_ to break the ice then he could finally apologize and maybe that would open the door to something more.

As Bucky went to stand from the couch heavy vines wrapped around his torso and pulled him back. Bucky rolls his eyes hearing the tiniest pitter patter of claws against the floor and audibly sighed as Rocket sat next to him, barely causing a dip in the cushion.

“You and I have unfinished business.” Small sharp teeth flash as Rocket smirks and Bucky realizes that he is about to have this conversation again.

“Before you start the answer is no,” he huffed.

Squeezing himself next to Bucky, Groot’s sharp bark covered form scratches at Bucky’s arm. “I am Groot,” he said.

“No I will not leave him alone, he’s taunting me with that arm!” Rocket retorted.

“I am Groot.”

“No you idiot, he’s just trying to drive up his price.”

“I am Groot?”

“Exactly. He’ll grow a new one just like you.”

Bucky was stuck between Rocket and Groot, unable to move since the latter’s vines were still wrapped around him. He could break through the hold but Bucky didn’t want to hurt the kid,  _err_ , sapling. Instead his head dropped into his hands, one of which was definitely not ending up with Rocket.

As he picked his head up he saw Y/N back on the other couch, watching the whole scene in delight. Bucky shared a smile with her, finding temporary relief in the comfort of her sparkling eyes.

***

New York has never been more alive than it is right now. The roar of victory grows more and more each night with people celebrating. Love and happiness cleanses the air, renewing the spirit of the city.

Overlooking the streets is Bucky, leaning against the railing of the balcony of the Tower, avoiding the party a few feet away. It’s in full swing with music steadily pumping and everyone is having a great time, everyone but him.

Y/N was inside, looking as beautiful as ever and Bucky, being the coward he is, is hiding outside trying to give himself encouragement to talk to her. He pinches his nose, and drags his fingers down his face as he lets out a deep sigh. He can do this.

Walking back in Bucky sees Y/N across the room talking with Nebula who looked as uncomfortable as Bucky felt. He’s definitely not one to let loose, not anymore, and definitely not when guilt is constricting every breath he takes.

Y/N is headed for the bar and Bucky makes his way to meet her, hoping he can will any words to leave his mouth. She smiles as he stands beside her, giving her drink order to the next available bartender.

Bucky becomes lost staring at her, unaware that someone has asked what he would like to drink. He’s nervous and fumbling his words and Y/N chuckles under her breath. The smile across her face doesn’t make him any less nervous and Bucky blurts out the first thing he can think of.

“Did you know some birds sleep in flight?” he asked with a little too much enthusiasm.

Y/N’s brows knit in confusion towards the random fact presented to her.

“Uhh….” he stammered, trying to collect himself enough to continue. “From last night, the uh… the question, ‘do birds sleep?’ So, they do, obviously, but s-some do so in flight. For instance, the alpine swift, it can spend most of its life in flight so uh, yeah that’s just s-something I know.”

Of all the things he wanted to say to her this was not one of them. Y/N doesn’t say anything and not knowing what else to do Bucky rubbed the back of his neck, his hand burning against his overheated skin. Every moment of Y/N’s silence was torture and Bucky chastised himself internally for opening his stupid mouth.

“I’ve never heard of an alpine swift before.”

The lightness of her tone eased some of Bucky’s anxieties, prompting him to respond quickly. “They’re a migratory bird in Africa.”

As embarrassed as Bucky was for himself he was thankful Sam was on the other side of the room, not listening to Bucky rattle off facts about birds like an idiot.

“I could show them to you, if we’re ever in Wakanda again.”

The moment the words leave his lips he regrets saying them. The last time they were in Wakanda they fought a losing battle and lost years of their life. Bucky notices her smile is gone, she’s tense as she gulps down her drink.

“Yeah, maybe,” she spoke without enthusiasm, before giving him a quick goodbye and headed back to the others.

Bucky’s grip around his own glass tenses, feeling miniscule cracks stretching across the glass from the pressure. He swallows everything quickly and slams it on the counter, ignoring the possible shattered mess he’s left the unfortunate bartenders. Bucky retreats to the balcony again, feeling the weight of his recent faults. Once again, Bucky has let Y/N down.

***

After saying goodbye to their friends from afar mostly everyone else has come back to the compound. A week has passed since the party and Bucky hasn’t spoken to Y/N, worrying that he’ll keep digging himself a deeper hole unless he avoids her completely.

It’s quiet in the halls. Steve had gone running earlier and Bucky declined the invitation. He was having trouble sleeping and didn’t have enough energy to deal with Sam that early in the morning.

When he finally gets out of his room he heads to the kitchen to make breakfast, but abruptly stops in the hallway as he spots Y/N. The coffee machine on the counter was gurgling as it began to brew.

Y/N is gazing out of the large window, smiling at the beautiful landscape, the deep green of the lush trees, the pure blue of the lake. She smiles as she inhales deeply, letting out a shaky breath. Bucky can see her eyes are glossed over, and for once he believes those are tears of joy.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” he asked, walking forward.

Y/N turned her head to find Bucky walking towards her. “Yeah, it really is,” she answered, wiping a stray tear that fell down her cheek. “Never thought I’d see it again.”

What happened? Where are we? Are we dead?

Her questions still swirl in his mind. Fear laced through every word, wondering where they were or if the sky will ever be blue again. The unknown was a frightening thought that plagued them all. Would they ever escape? Would Bucky ever see Steve again? Could he ever comfort Y/N?

Bucky winces as he bit down hard on his lip, unaware he had been mindlessly chewing on it while losing himself to the questions swirling around his mind like a hurricane.

He stares at Y/N again, and perhaps it’s the tears in her eyes that give him the final push to say what he needs to. “I owe you an apology.”

Y/N turned her head again, unsure of what Bucky is apologizing for.

“No, I owe you so much more. First a thank you, for putting yourself on the line for me in Berlin.”

“You don’t have to–”

“Please,” he interrupted, staring up at Y/N with big blue eyes that pleaded for her to let him continue. “You spent years on the run ‘cause of that choice and I never had the chance to tell ya how grateful I am for what you did. A thanks isn’t enough but it’s all I have to give.”

Y/N’s lips curved into a soft smile as she accepted his apology. She appreciated his words but even if he hadn’t apologized if given the chance she wouldn’t have changed a thing. It was bad enough Bucky spent most of his life as a pawn of Hydra, Y/N wasn’t going to idly sit by while he was being blamed for something he didn’t do.

The bubbling of the coffee maker stopped and Y/N asked if he wanted a cup as she went to grab her own.

“Yes– No,” he retracted. With a stiff inhale Bucky shut his eyes tight, unable to face Y/N for what he was about to say. Gritting through his teeth, “There’s something else.”

She stopped and turned to face him again and became concerned by the look on his face. Fear and regret were stirring in his eyes while sorrow was etched deeply in the downward pull of his mouth, and Bucky felt as if the weight of his guilt could never lift them again.

He began a few times, stuttering and unsure how to start, and then Y/N put her hand on his arm, whispering comforting words and he let out a strangled cry.

“You shouldn’t comfort me, not when…”

Bucky wiped his face harshly, dragging the tears from his cheek. He wrung his hands together as he took a few more inhales before gathering his words.

“I couldn’t comfort you. I couldn’t help you at all when we were…  _there_. I heard your voice every day, and every day you asked those questions, and I didn’t do anything about it. I owe you my life and I couldn’t even answer a goddamn question.”

Recalling his feelings made him anxious so he paced in front of Y/N, refusing to look her in the eye as he continued.

“Sometimes you were there, other times it was just your voice but still… you were scared and I should have answered you. I should have done something!” Bucky is crying again, not bothering to wipe the tears anymore. He drops his head and with defeat lacing his tone he whispered, “I’m sorry.”

Y/N stands silently in front of him, scanning the slope of his shoulders, hunched with a terrible burden he was never meant to carry. She chews on her bottom lip for a moment, remembering how awful it was to be trapped in that unknown world but her heart broke for Bucky, knowing on top of everything that happened he shouldered himself with an impossible belief, that he could have fixed things.

“Oh, Bucky,” she sighed, throwing her arms around his solid frame.

He stiffened under her touch, half unexpected, while the other part of him was frozen in place, unsure of what to do. Y/N was warm and soft against the hardness of his body and when she squeezed him a little tighter Bucky swallowed the lump caught in his throat.

Bucky felt cared for, loved even, all from her embrace. It’s all he ever wanted, what he dreamt about every moment while he was trapped in that world. Now she’s against him and Bucky finally let’s his fear go.

He relaxes against Y/N who shuffles a bit to adjust against the weight of his body though her hold is still firm. She didn’t know Bucky very well but it was no secret that he was deprived of kindness for too long. A gentle touch was the least she could give him.

Y/N smiled proudly when she felt his arms snake around her back, bringing her closer because Bucky needed it. He sniffed a few times, swallowing back his tears, allowing the comforting silence to wash over them both.

When his heartbeat returned to a more stable rhythm Y/N loosened the hug just enough to pull her head back to look at him. Her lips curved up to a soft smile and she looked at him like she was staring through to his soul.

“Bucky, I need you to know that I don’t blame you for anything. The choices I made to help you were my own and I would do them again without hesitation.”

His lips twitched, teetering on the edge of a smile and Y/N continued to stare at him with composed conviction in her eyes.

“And I certainly don’t blame you for not being able to do anything when we were trapped. We were powerless, all of us. Even if you could respond what would that have done huh? Did you know the answers?”

Bucky shook his head quickly in response. Though she had a point Bucky couldn’t let the guilty feeling go, “I could have…” he sighed, realizing the truth, there was nothing he could have done to change their circumstances. “You were so scared and all I thought about was wanting to comfort you.”

“Like this?” she asked, giving a little squeeze of her arms against him.

Bucky’s head hung down, but this time with a chuckle she managed to pull from him. “Yeah, like that.”

His massive arms squeezed her in return with just enough pressure to keep it comfortable. Y/N smiled back at him, beaming like the sun and the thoughts of kissing her quickly consumed his mind. Bucky’s tongue slowly swept across his lips wetting them but instead of leaning in he pulled apart from her; he was a gentleman after all.

Without breaking eye contact and before he loses his nerve he spits the words out he’s been holding onto for a while. “I know we don’t know each other well but I’d like to change that.”

His heart drops to his stomach like a solid rock as he waits for an answer. His nerves are bubbling beneath his skin like boiling water. Three simple words is all it takes for Bucky to feel relief.

“I’d like that,” she said, smiling back even wider than before. “There’s a path along the water and I think we’re long overdue for some fresh air.” Y/N stretches her hand out towards Bucky, “Will you walk with me?” she asked.

He takes her hand, joining them together like they were always meant to be linked. Bucky answers her question with ease, leaving his guilt behind as they walk together towards the future.


End file.
